post-collegiate years

they're coming. faster than they should be, they are approaching. and it's terribly, terribly frightening. 

i hope i am always important enough in certain people's lives to never have an artificial conversation with them and to always be transferred to their new phone as they look over old numbers.

there are certain people you just never want to lose touch with.

and i hope we're not only friends because of college. 

i don't care about a lot

for example,

chemistry

Chemistry without a relationship; relationships without chemistry.
I have one guy I am in a relationship with — we go to lunch, we talk, we share, we even listen to each other — but there's no sex, no hooking up. For awhile I had another guy I had crazy chemistry with — great hookups until one day, it just wasn't there anymore.
So is this normal?
Better yet, which one is the healthier relationship? The primal one or the "evolved" one? And I'm not sure which is which.
And even though I know the "correct" answer to the healthy question, the fun one was the screwed-up screwy one. It ended, and terribly at that, which should tell you how wrong it was to begin with.

But can they coexist? Can you have a hott, intellectual relationship? Can you have a spectacularly hott relationship with brains? And is it that point at which commitment phobias fade away and you are simply in the moment?

I met a guy once who was sweet and intellectual and hott. And together we were hott (and not just once) and not staying the night is one of the few things I regret. But when push came to shove, he was a shitty friend first and foremost.

I met another guy who was brilliant, sweet, caring and who I could talk to for hours. Great friend, little chemistry.
And we all have stories just like that.
Maybe that mysterious chemistry, the bond, is what hopeless romantics spend their lives searching for. And maybe that's why they're "hopeless romantics."

At the end of the day, maybe it's not love that's blind, maybe it's sex. 

It's the chemistry that makes us forgo all logic.

I love chemistry.

emo kitteh

i finally made a post for icanhascheezburger.

much love for desi.

music makes the world go round

no but seriously. 

and this year, for the first time i'm headed to the mecca of all things festival: Coachella. 

everyday i get a little more excited. like when i was little and my parents would plan vacations months in advance and by the time it came i was already tired from the excitement.

 

only the most awesome shit ever. oh and PRINCE. 

so we're onsite camping due to an interesting conflux of events. but whatever, right? it'll be the three of us and amazingness and i can't think of anywhere else i'd rather be. 

dude i'm going to coachella. 

sorry, still trying to believe it. 

i screwed my boss and all i got were these lousy t-shirts

i like to make the rules. 

it makes it easier when it all goes to shit.

then i can say that i saw it all coming or i didn't intend for it to go on or some other bullshit and not look like i just got egged. 

but it still hurts; it always hurts.

pain is a part of growth.

in your body, as the cartilage turns to bone, you get "growing pains." fuck, they made a whole show about that that awkward, crazy part of life where you can do nothing right and everything seems to be headed straight to hell in a hand-basket. (well, it wasn't really about that but it may as well have been.) 

as i was saying, making the rules which fence in the pain and suffering makes this horrible, lonely journey a little more bearable. normally, people with obsessive-compulsive disorder need to control everything. i have a variant of it which makes want to control the uncontrollable — hence my need to attempt to regulate other people's feelings. 

it's not possible.

and i know that.

but that won't stop me from attempting to control something in everyone else's life. 

someday i'll stop it all — the worry, the controlling, the acting — and life will be as life is supposed to be. 

but it's probably gonna be a long way before we get there. 

 

raWr

so im blogging now. 

we'll see how this goes.